Is Calling a Woman Ma'am Offensive?

I don't get why people get so worked up about this. I've been called "ma'am" since I was 16. I don't think it's really tied to age - it's just something you call a non-child female whose name you don't know.

Actually I agree with the writer. Its something you call my mother, not me. I understand I'm not 18 anymore, but flatter me a little bit, would ya? There have been times we've been out to dinner and the waiter will call me Miss, I always tell him, your tip just went up for saying that term alone.
I don't know which is worse though, being called Ma'am or "Hon" by someone younger than me. Both are agreeably annoying!

I actually find ma'am to be more polite. I think Miss is a little condescending.

to echo KeLynns, I've also been called ma'am since waaay before it could have possibly been because I look "old".

It kind of bums me out, though. I begin to wonder if I do look old... like, I'm 24, but do I already need to be thinking about botox??

It depends on who's saying it. If a young boy (like a boyscout)or a soldier says it, I find it polite. If an older man is saying it (I'm in my 20s) then it makes me feel old.

I can't imagine longing to look 18 again. I love looking youthful, but there's something kind of scary about that. Is the pinnacle of beauty really looking like a child?

Ma'am is weird but I'm getting used to it. I only use it for people who are clearly older than me. Most of the people who call me that are clearly younger than me so I guess it's okay.

Worse is when you hit 40 something and clerks, waiters etc. start calling you 'young lady.' Or carding you for booze just because they think you'll be flattered. Not so much.

I feel the way the author feels. I wasn't called "ma'am" until I was in my 40s. It was a real shock to me. Now, at 55, I have become invisible and at some businesses, I am eligible for a senior citizen discount! Waaaaaa!

I get what you mean Bella, I'm french and now get called "madame" on a regular basis when I go to bakery, grocery store (etc...) and I'm only turning 22 in a bit less than a month, and "madame" is indeed, even in French, supposed to be used for either married or "mature" women, it's not insulting, like you said it's supposed to be more of a sign of respect, but still, it feels weird :/

I guess I'd be pretty proud to be called one if I was married but...hmm, I'm not and it does kind of make me feel old, I mean, it feels like the days I was18 and kept getting told "oh I thought you were 15" all the time was yesterday so going from that to being called a madame in a matter of 2 to 3 years is pretty hard to process :s

The thing as well is that I moved out from my mom's and away to England for 2 years when I was 17 so I've been leaving the life of an adult life with lots of responsabilities pretty early on and I guess I like being called miss/mademoiselle because it brings me back a piece of the youth someone my age should be allowed to feel at least every now and then, and it's also a nice way to let potential future husbands know that "hey, I'm not married yet!"

I see nothing wrong with it.

I can't STAND being called "Ma'am" OR "Miss". They're both indicative of not only age, but marital status, which is absurd. I'm 23 and unmarried, I am a "Ms"

When I worked in customer service, I called every female, regardless of age, "Ms." Sure, it's not easy to pronounce or say loudly to get someone's attention by yelling "Mzzzzzz", but its respectful.

Recently a teenager working at a grocery store asked if he could "help you, ma'am". I said that he could, only if he stopped calling me "ma'am." He looked like a kicked puppy, so I decided to never call anyone out on it again.

I can completely understand people getting peeved over being called 'Ma'am' or 'Hon' or whatever (I personally hate being called hon). But seriously ladies? If you take it really personally, you need to re-evaluate your self-confidence levels. I think it's especially silly to call someone out on it, someone who was from the beginning saying it out of respect-regardless on how YOU feel about the proper usage of the term. Use it in the way you think it should be (be an advocate of your beliefs), but don't lose your manners in the process.

I don't get what the big deal is. They're just being polite. Whether it's "ma'am," "miss" or "madame " I'm fine with it. I know what the meaning behind all three terms are (along with "Mrs." and "Ms."), but I'm not going to shove my feminism down other people's throats. I hate those kind of people.

I work in customer service and I call every single woman Ma'am. To me Miss is what you call children. During my college years I was once called "young Miss" by an employee at Old Navy. I was probably older than the boy and it didn't feel flattering, it felt demeaning.

It's ugly. I can't stand it. Miss or Madam sounds better. Actually, 'hey you' sounds better.
Ma'am! Ew!!

I'm a teacher and I get called Miss (with no last name) all day long. I would rather enjoy being called ma'am. Also, in the South it's meant to be polite and being called ma'am is better than being called "hey you" or not being addressed at all.

I've always hated the word "ma'am". I do not want to be called it, and I won't call anyone else that either.

Today I was on the phone and the customer service person kept on calling me ma'am. I thought it was weird because I am only 18, but it's hard to tell someone's voice over the phone. In person I'm rarely called ma'am.

If you get worked up by being politely addressed, then you're a crotchity old sourpuss anyhow.

To LeiraElle
Miss = A young woman or a form of address for an unmarried woman
Ms = A form of address for a woman AND commonly for a divorced woman
Ma'am = Polite form of address for a woman

I adore being called Ma'am. In fact the terms "yes, ma'am" and "no ma'am" are music to my ears. The blogger's comments about youthful terms just points up today's focus on youth and appearance rather than respect and civility. There is far too much of the former and far too little of the latter in our society today.

I find "miss" condescending. I work in retail, and I call everyone ma'am, sir, or by their name if I know it.

Older women HATE being called ma'am and those who say they don't care are lying.

I was called ma'am when I was in my teens as well. I don't take it personally and didn't even know it was a big deal until my mother told me she hates it.

Being called ma'am doesn't really bother me, it always comes across as more respectful. While working customer service I had many women ask not to be called ma'am, right after they told me that I'd say ma'am, not because I was being disrespectful, but because its the way I was brought up. Although one time at work I was answering the phones, and I got called Sir, it didn't help the fact that I had a throat and chest infection. I just laughed it off.

"Miss" irritates me to no end, so I'd prefer to be called "m'am" only because it seems less unpolished-sounding.

I don't know what I think. I could be called miss and ma'am within the same month. I don't think about it very much. And I don't get why people need to concern themselves with why someone would hate being called ma'am. If someone doesn't like it, then that's their own business. It doesn't even matter if it's because it makes them feel old.

"Miss" or "Ms." are the best terms. I don't like "Ma'am".

I really appreciate being called 'ma'am' or 'miss' or 'Ms. ___' by the students I work with. As a recent college grad myself, I put a lot of effort into looking and behaving like an adult rather than a student (though some of them are probably older than me!) and it warms the little cockles of my heart when I get that respect. It sometimes even gets them slightly preferential treatment : ) I certainly don't consider it contrary to my feminist tendencies to be shown respect in that manner.

I'm sixteen and people call me ma'am regularly. To me, and most likely them, it's a sign of respect, not age or marital status.

I see it as polite and respectful. I never understand it when women get upset by being called "ma'am". My daddy is a Southerner, though, so I grew up hearing it all the time because it's widely used there (and not offensive). I once had a waitress actually get mad and tell me not to call her "ma'am" when I did. Sheesh! And I'm the one being unpolite?

Society has lost all respect for young and old alike. Manners are something from the dark ages for most people and they don't have a clue as to common courtesy. I'd rather be called ma'am then "guy". I hate with a flaming passion when women call other women "guys". I hate it so much I refuse to answer to it, I don't care who is addressing me. Phew! I feel so much better

*Amused* I was at a Staples today and a salesperson not only called me Ma'am but caught himself, quickly asking if I'd rather be called Miss. I was so startled I didn't even know what to say, just shrugged and stuttered, "It doesn't matter to me."

It's not personal. At least that's what I've always been told by my English as Second Language teachers. I didn't even remember the exchange until I stumbled onto this post. And of it, all I remembered really was my own embarrassingly callous response of, "I don't care. It doesn't matter to me."

It made me feel very discourteous to the salesperson for being so abrupt and not giving a proper answer to a question! My parents raised me better than that.

But may be it's because I grew up in a non-English speaking, Asian household that I don't understand. My language is very specific on how to address people in particular age groups. There's no way this kind of "discourtesy" that many here seems to feel can happen in my native language...so...I just don't understand why feathers are so ruffled by the courteous honorific of ma'am. -shakes head-

@ Melly80: I agree with your definition of "Miss", but I need to clarify the other two.

The historical context of whether a woman is referred to as "miss" or "madam", is based on marital status. Therefore "ma'am" is indicative of marital status more than age. Sure, context can change, and language is ever-evolving, but the basis of "Ms" is from "Mistress", which is a neutral term which doesn't assume attachment to a man, and is the best option. This is why it may commonly be used for a woman who is divorced, but I also know plenty of women who are married and keep their maiden name and prefer to be addressed as "Ms" instead of "Mrs", thus the same can be said for used "Ma'am" considering its history.

Therefore, I, and any other woman who doesn't want to be defined by her legal attachment to a man, should be referred to as "Ms."

I am a 5th generation Texan and we call all women ma'am. It is a sign of respect.
It is a sad fact of the current age that manners are no longer a part of home training. My mother raised my sister and I to show respect for others.; we always addressed men as Sir as well,
I realize this makes me a dinosaur but I continue to call women ma'am and I am now 50 years old!

Honestly, there are way more important things to get your panties in a twist about. This is good customer service and people being polite. When did it become uncool to be polite and considerate to customers/people in public? I use the term "ma'am" and have been called it since I was 16. It has never offended me and I am approaching 30. It still doesn't offend me. I appreciate that people still have manners. Maybe you should take note of that, Bella. These are old school values, like holding the door for a woman, which is greatly lost in today's youth and something that needs to be appreciated. It has nothing to do with women's rights, but it does have to do with respect and courtesy.

Makes me feel ANCIENT! And it's so formal for where I live in the west. I guess it's OK in the south. XO

I'd rather be called ma'am than miss. Miss makes me feel like I'm being infantilized, ma'am makes me feel respected. That saying, I'm 27 but have always looked several years younger than my age.

Miss, Ma'am, Madam- anything is fine with me just call me SOMETHING!!! One of my biggest pet peeves is when a male gets addressed as "sir" and I get nothing. It's like the guy in front of me will get a "Yes Sir, thank you sir" and I get a "Hi." and "thanks"- like they don't know what to call me.... In my opinion men get better customer service because people assume they make more money, and ALWAYS get called "sire" no matter their age. It's SO biased.

ma'am was definitely a jolt the first time, but since I was standing in line, gazing at a wonderful picture of a friends baby, and some woman said: "Oh she's beautiful! Your granddaughter?" and that was the day before I turned 51 -- ma'am doesn't seem half so bad - compared to GRAMMA!

@Heather: one of my biggest pet peeves is when I go shopping with my husband and the sales staff completely ignores me. He shops at places like Brooks Brothers and Johnston and Murphy for his work wardrobe. If it's the weekend, I don't feel the need to dress up to go shopping - not to say I don't look good, just that I am not going to put on a woven shirt, dress pants, and heels to go out - and I get totally ignored by the staff because they assume I have no money to spend. It's especially bad if I go by myself to get him a gift. They won't even acknowledge my existence until I go to the register with merchandise in hand. It drives me crazy!

Most of you are ignorant. You are really going to be impolite to someone who calls you ma'am? Seriously? Get over yourselves. The individuals who call you "ma'am" arent thinking to themselves, "Hmm, what can I call her to tick her off? She looks like a Miss but i'll call her Ma'am just to push her buttons!" Get a life! They are just being polite! They are not saying things like, "Hey, you" or "Hey, blondie" or something offensive. Sounds like some of you have self esteem issues.

When I first started being called ma'am it kind of freaked me out and made me laugh at the same time. I kept thinking to myself...really? ma'am? hmmm. But I do believe in being polite and it's not like I"m wearing a name tag, but it is easier to be called ma'am by a teenager (let's just be glad they know how to be polite) since they are younger. But I do get put off being called it by someone my own age sometimes, I just hope i don't look older than them HAHA.

I'm 22, it does weird me out a little to get "ma'am," whether I'm at work or at a store or whatever, but I vastly prefer it to "honey" "miss" "dear" etc. I prefer whatever assumptions of age or attempts at civility are at work behind a "ma'am" than being addressed like a ten-year-old, haha.

Once, I was shopping with a friend and the sales person called her ma'am. My friend flipped out. I felt so embarrassed! Get over yourselves. If being called ma'am can make you feel bad, then your self esteem must be in the toilet.

Why don't men have this problem!?! Add it to the unfair pile! I prefer Miss because I am unmarried and it suits my personality better than Ma'am. I wish a less loaded prefix would enter such transactions. Ma'am seems inappropriate to me but I suppose not to the cashier. What if they're calling you Ma'am but they're really thinking about how hot you are?
I agree that people should avoid saying "Ma'am" to women because of the inherent negative connotations. It's so uncouth!

I hate it..Im too young.its something you call my mother or mother in law or grand mother. sorry!

I don't really mind either way. I mean, it is such a small thing; I really have more important stuff going on in my day. Ma'am, miss, whatever. As long as whatever customer service person we are talking about it reasonably pleasant, I am fine. Please, thank you, have a nice day, and I'm on my way. It is kind of funny hearing ma'am from someone 30+ years older than you, but I just chuckle internally and keep moving.
However, there is something that drives me nuts. I'm a doctor. I'm 27, probably look about 19. I frequently need to stop in for things while wearing scrubs and a pager. Ma'am, miss (although hopefully not "hon" or "sweetie") are still acceptable. What isn't is a)assuming I'm a nurse, and b) continuing to call me one/talk about your daughter in nursing school after I inform you that I am a doctor. Also weird is being called doctor by hospital staff in their 50s. I tell everyone I work with on a regular basis that "Andrea" will do just fine.

I live in Cordova, near Memphis and the "sir/ma'am" custom is very much alive and well here. I still think it's a term of respect.

Personally, I don't think of myself as "ma'am" or "not ma'am." I just AM. I am who I am: active, on the go, always doing things. My motto is, have sneakers, will travel. I'm pretty independent, pretty self-sufficient, have a myriad of interests, and just do things for myself, by myself, without thinking. So when someone calls me ma'am, it shocks me, really, because it's not who I am, a "ma'am" with kids who's pleased as punch because the store has her Swiffer mop in stock. I don't think of myself like that. But apparently I have to put up with it without making a fuss because they're just being polite, ma'am. In other words, some storekeeper or accountant imposes their version of manners on me, and I have to put up with it, even though it's not very polite at all, just a stereotype or a lazy way of addressing customers. Some people then say to me, "Well, what should I call you?" Well, if I wanted someone to call me a name, I sure wouldn't choose "ma'am." It might be "Mrs. X," "Ms X," or even "X," but it wouldn't be ma'am. I don't go around shaking people's hands and saying, "Hi! Call me Ma'am!" Sometimes you have to set boundaries with salespeople and other strangers who try to impose their version of "manners" on you and expect you to put up with it.